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It is stolen from its mother earth. It is mauled in fire pits, heated until it melts. Frozen in the depths of space. It is bundled into balls and whacked with sticks.It takes a beating or carries a ton of automobile hour after hour, day after day. Until the day that one particular Rubber automobile tire stood up for all the rest of its ilk and fights back with psychokinetic, head-bursting powers. Who knew? Just as strange as it is entertaining, Rubber will become a great midnight movie (if such things still exist) [$6]


Half a dozen (give or take) spelunkers -- cave explorers -- get trapped far below the earth's surface and have to find a way out in Sanctum, a so-so film which offers up pictures as spectacular as the script is underdeveloped. Add the thickness of Down Under accents and all the film's background is pretty much lost quickly. Were it not for the spectacular images we'd say pass. But those images, coupled with what story survives, makes Sanctum a recommended film if you see it on an IMAX screen. We'd build wallpapers of some of that imagery, but none of it is in the press material so now you've got to go <g>

Source Code

Source Code stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan and Vera Farmiga in a great SF thriller that you could nitpick to death if you really wanted to. Not Cranky. This is a terrific drama about mind swapping and preventing a terrorist attack on Chicago and, of course, it's a love story, too. If we had both hands to write the full eview, this is about as close to a $10 as you can get. [$9.50]


Submarine, what appears to be yet another coming of age story adds a terrific subplot of said 15 year old kid also trying to save his parent's failing marriage. If you think we've steered you right (on movies you would have ignored) in the past, seek this surprise out. Don't ask us what the title means, though. We have not the slightest . . .


What can we say about Suckerpunch? Hot women. Lots of explosions. Wallpaper downloads. The violent fantasies of women in mental institutions forced into prostitution . . . and that's just the back story. We laid off the doobies years ago. This is a flat out awful film, and will be the top draw of the week.


Tangled is available in both 2D and 3D and, whichever you choose, Disney's remake of the old Rapunzel tale is well worth the time and money. Truth: In it, cat-burglar Flynn Rider (Zachary Levy) climbs up and breaks into the tower occupied by the lovely captive Rapunzel (Mandy Moore). Rapunzel promptly takes Rider hostage. In return for freeing her from captivity, the pair embark on a whole mess of exciting adventures! Add a pair of anthropomorphic animals for that patent-pending Disney  touch and you'll have one darn good time in the theater. Take the li'l ones. Then Download Wallpapers here


The Tempest stars Helen Mirren in Shakespeare's drama of an exiled royal family, a magical storm, and political machinations that make everything better. Twisted to have a female royal pulling the strings may make traditionalists cringe; concentrate on the centuries out of date English and take the ride (better yet, wait to rent so you can go back and forth).

There Be Dragons

There Be Dragons from writer/director Roland Joffee tells the story of two childhood friends, one of whom will eventually become a Catholic saint. The film leans so heavily on RC symbolism that yours Cranky -- sorry, folks, I'm a nice Jewish boy from Brooklyn -- couldn't follow the story, other than the basics. That's not enough to get any kind of recommendation

Troll Hunter

Troll Hunter, falling into the genre of subtitled films you readers show no interest in (unless there's chop sockey action) is exactly what the title suggests. It is a blast. Subtitles aside, non-stop rockin' fun. Hunt it down and find it and have a great time. Heck, even the ladies in our audience were giggling enthusiastically by the time the film was done

Tron Legacy

Tron Legacy, again stars Jeff Bridges and properly recaps the original story (in which a video game world turned out to be real), brings "real" danger to the our world and adds effects which seriously kick . The new story? Simply that the TronWorld has realized that there is another reality -- ours -- to conquer. Only the Son of the Creator (Garrett Hedlund) can stop the coming invasion. In these weeks filled with Oscar wannabees, this is where you go for the simple popcorn fix (assuming you can afford the costs of cinema popcorn... sheesh!) download wallpapers here

True Grit

True Grit, via Joel & Ethan Coen darn well should win the Best Cinematography Oscar because it's beautifully filmed. The story of a 14 year old girl (Hailee Steinfeld) who hires an alcoholic marshal (Jeff Bridges) to hunt the killer of her dad is, unfortunately, just plain dull. Matt Damon plays a Texas Ranger coincidentally hunting the same murderer.

True Legend

True Legend delivers first rate, ultra violent marital arts fighting - the setting is the end of a warring period in china, where one Father has raised two sons; one the biological progeny of another warrior king who Father had killed. Yep, that's Thor. So figure what would happen if Loki went psychotic and you're halfway into the film, where both brothers go insane and David Carradine offers up his last role. The film is as insanely silly as it is explicitly violent. Definitely for the guys so, buy the godzilla sized popcorn and have a great time.


Unstoppable stars Denzel Washington and Chris Pines as train dudes who take down a runaway loaded with hazardous materials. Rosaria Dawson is the dispatcher trying to avert disaster. Not that disasters don't happen -- this is a Tony Scott movie -- and explosions and train wrecks supply more than enough fun. As awful as the script is, the film is a terrific sit. It is great fun and there was applause as credits rolled.

It's a movie. Capital "M". Go. Have Fun.

White Irish Drinkers

White Irish Drinkers is the story of two brothers in Brooklyn. One (Geoff Wigdor) has embarked in a life of thievery and crime and is looking to bring his kid bro' (Nick Thurston) into the fledgling family biz. The kid, though, hides his real talents, which would be artistic (as in drawing and painting) because, well, middle class tough Irish tend to view the arts as un-manly. A heavy script could have used some breathing room but a better than average sit for the art house crowd. Stephen Lang, Karen Allen and Peter Riegert are the brand names in supporting roles

Your Highness

Your Highness stars Danny McBride, James Franco and Natalie Portman. Two knights - one an idiot and the other a stoner - quest to rescue the idiot's bride to be (Zooey Deschanel) from an evil warlock. Both are bested by Portman's character, the sole survivor of a village the warlock destroyed. Occasionally funny but, even as a stoner comedy, "occasionally" isn't enough.

X-Men First Class

X-Men 3 opened up a lot of continuity questions, most answered in X-Men: First Class, which introduces the very first team of mutant Avengers, led by buddies Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Erik Lensherr aka Magneto (Michael Fassbender). Fanboys should be very happy with the movie continuity, which veers off from the four-color continuity. Banshee, Pixie (here called Angel), Beast and Havok round out the team which faces off against Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon), Emma Frost (January Jones) and the Hellfire Club with the Cuban Missile Crisis as background. A red-skinned baddie called Azazel (Jason Flemyng) is probably Nightcrawler's father (from X-Men 2). Those who know nothing of the X-Men will find First Class to be a pretty good action-oriented film. No lie.

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The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of, and his website is Copyright © 1995-2016 Chuck Schwartz. All Rights Reserved. Articles and interviews by Paul Fischer are Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All Rights Reserved. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of and ©, ®, T their respective studios. Used by permission. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy AwardT(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. All Rights Reserved.