The Hottie and the Nottie

Starring Paris Hilton,
Joel David Moore, Christine Lakin and Johann Urb
Screenplay by Heidi Ferrer
Directed by Tom Putnam
website: www.thehottieandthenottie.com

IN SHORT: yech. [Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content. 91 minutes]

Once upon a time -- said time being first grade -- young Nate Cooper lost his heart to the fair Cristabel Abbott. Cristabel's best friend, as in glued at the hip bestest bud, was the far from fair June Phigg. To say that June was unattractive, big fat mole on her chin and all, wouldn't be nice but it would be true. Such is life that the Coopers moved away from California and Nate never saw his lady love again.

No, sorry, there wouldn't be a movie is that happened. So, twenty years later, Nate heads back to LA, locates his former bestest friend in the world Arno Blount (The Greg Wilson). Arno would be a stalker if he wasn't so fat, but he has maintained a huge scrapbook of detailed information for Nate to use to track down the lovely Cristabel. The only problem? Cristabel is still bestest friends with the ugliest girl in town, one June "has a mole on her chin the size of a small state" Phigg (Christine Lakin), and won't go out on a date unless June is properly occupied. So, where to find someone so desperate for a date, or willing able to drink enough to numb his person to the utter hideousness of Ms. Phigg than one of those community message boards, where desperation rules. Enter a date for June, one Cole Slawson (Adam Kulbersh) and, somewhere along, the way, a a Swiss dentist Johann (Johann Urb) who makes a miracle happen in June's mouth and, one mole-removing dermatologist and a lot of Rogaine and laser skin treatments (and so on and so forth etc etc etc) later June Phigg is a a tasty little newton.

So to speak. But you know she would be, right?

The Hottie and the Nottie is the kind of production we saw in our grad student film school days. Without the presence of Ms. Hilton it would get its makers a pat on the back from other newbie creators and that would be that. But Ms. Hilton is a walking media machine and those of us who just don't "get" her appeal (sic) were more than ready to watch her fall on her face. She doesn't but she doesn't have much to work with and very little to do to drive this movie. No statues are going to be awarded for the performance but it is what it is and it -- the requirements of her role -- are not so difficult that any beginning slash competent actress can pull it off. It doesn't hurt if (you're) carrying a love jones for Ms. Hilton -- we're way too old to get that -- and what you see of her perfectly tanned breasts offer up a fair distraction for anyone not thrilled by the rest of the movie.

The Hottie and the Nottie is a very average movie and, were it all nonames, we'd probably not be writing even this much. With Paris in it, it'll do some business and it's not good enough for that.

On average, a first run movie ticket will run you Ten Bucks. Were Cranky able to set his own price to The Hottie and the Nottie , he would have paid . . .

$0.00

rent, if you must, but you'd be better off leaving this turkey be.

The Cranky Critic® is a Registered Trademark of, and his website is Copyright © 1995-2008 by, Chuck Schwartz. Articles by Paul Fischer Copyright © 1999 - 2006 Paul Fischer. All images, unless otherwise noted, are property of,©, ®, T their respective studios and are used by permission. All Rights Reserved. Not to be used or copied for any commercial purpose. Academy AwardT(s) and Oscar®(s) are registered trademarks and service marks of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

Amazon Honor System

Your Donations feed us

Buy Cranky stuff

Buy movie posters!

BUY THE LATEST DVDs
Star Wars Trilogy (Widescreen) DVD (Full Screen)	Lord of the Rings Trilogy DVD
Marx Bros collection	Alfred Hitchcock Collection
Looney Toons Volume 1 Volume 2 Volume 3 Rocky & Bullwinkle Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Star Trek TOS Star Trek TNG Star Trek Films Criterion Collections

TV/Movie Collectibles

online movie critics

We're Kidlet Safe

Search engine
by FreeFind

click to search site

Now in Release:

The Band's Visit
Definitely Maybe
Hottie and the Nottie
In Bruges
Iron Man
Be Kind Rewind
Rambo
Cloverfield
Mad Money
U2 3D

28 Weeks Later
Black Book
Bourne Ultimatum
Brooklyn Rules
Death at a Funeral
Evening
The Ex
Fido
Georgia Rule
Grindhouse
Hairspray
Harry Potter - Phoenix
The Hoax
Hot Rod
I Know Who Killed Me
La Vie en Rose
License to Wed
Live Free or Die Hard
Mr. Brooks
Next
No Reservatons
Ocean's Thirteen
Perfect Stranger
Pirates of Caribbean
Ratatouille
Rescue Dawn
Rush Hour 3
Severance
Sicko
Simpsons Movie
Slow Burn
Snow Cake
Spider-Man 3
Stardust

DVDs on Sale:
300
Alice in Wonderland
Batman Begins
Bambi
Beauty and the Beast
Blade Runner
Bridge to Terabithia
Charlie + Chocolate Factory
Cinderella
E.T.
Fantastic Four
Forrest Gump
Gone With the Wind
Harry Potter yrs 1-3 set
Harry Potter Azkaban
The Incredibles
Indiana Jones trilogy
The Lion King
Lord of Rings 12 discs
Mary Poppins 40th LE
Ultimate Matrix set
Miss Potter
Monty Python - Grail
Napoleon Dynamite
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pirates of the Caribbean 2
Shrek
Shrek 2
Sin City
Sleeping Beauty
South Park Movie
Spider-Man
Spider-Man 2
Star Wars Ep. 1
Star Wars Ep. 2
Star Wars 3 Full Screen
Star Wars 3 l'box
Star Wars Trilogy (4-6)
The Island
War of the Worlds
X-Men
X-Men 2